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Ryan Avery - Shifting Mindsets: From "Getting through" to "Getting to"

Shifting Mindsets: From “Getting through” to “Getting to”

By Motivation, Uncategorized No Comments

Shifting Mindsets: From “Getting through” to “Getting to”

My wife came up with a really great comparison the other day. In the ebb and flow of daily life, our mindset plays such a pivotal role in shaping our experiences. Consider this: how often do we approach tasks, obligations, or even opportunities with a sense of having to get through it so we can move on to the next rather than getting to do it without thinking of what is next? The distinction between “getting through” something and “getting to” do something might seem subtle, yet it profoundly impacts our outlook and, consequently, our well-being.

The “Getting Through” Mindset

When we approach life with a “Getting Through” mindset, our focus tends to center on obligation and necessity, while also taking us out of the present moment. It is the mindset that creates burdens to be endured rather than experiences to be appreciated. This mindset often leads to feelings of resentment, stress, and sometimes even burnout. Whether it’s work assignments, household chores, or personal commitments, viewing them through the lens of obligation or simply, “let me get through this” can drain our mental and emotional resources.

In the “Getting to” mindset, there’s a tendency to operate on autopilot, simply going through the motions without fully engaging or finding meaning in what we’re doing. This mindset can foster a sense of disconnection from our own experiences, leading to a less fulfilling and more anxious existence.

The “Getting To” Mindset

On the other hand, adopting the “getting to” mindset transforms how we perceive and approach tasks. It’s about shifting from obligation to opportunity, from duty to privilege. When we see things as something we “get to” do, there’s a shift in perspective—the recognition of the inherent value or benefit in what we’re undertaking.

Imagine reframing our daily routine: instead of saying “I have to go to work,” we say “I get to go to work,” acknowledging the opportunity to contribute, learn, and grow. This mindset encourages gratitude and mindfulness, prompting us to be more present in our experiences and to find joy in the seemingly mundane aspects of life. And yes, even on those stressful days this can help us out the most.

Staying Present and Planning for the Future

While embracing the “getting to” mindset enhances our present experiences, it doesn’t negate the importance of planning for the future. In fact, it complements it. Being present involves fully engaging with our current tasks and circumstances, appreciating them for what they are. This mindfulness not only improves our immediate well-being but also allows us to make more thoughtful decisions about our future.

Simultaneously, planning for the future is crucial for setting goals, cultivating aspirations, and creating our sense of direction in life. It involves envisioning where we want to be and taking intentional steps to get there. This balanced approach involves integrating present mindfulness with future-oriented planning, ensuring that we live with purpose and intentionality. We like to say in our family, “enjoy today and plan for tomorrow!”

Why It Matters

The shift from “getting through” to “getting to” isn’t simply about positivity—it’s about cultivating the mindset that promotes resilience, gratitude, and fulfillment. By embracing the mindset of opportunity rather than obligation, we empower ourselves to approach challenges with the more positive outlook and to extract meaning from even the most routine aspects of life.

For me, even in the last few days of practicing this, this mindset creates deeper connection with my own experiences (even the simplest ones) and encourages me to be more empathetic towards others. It has the opportunity to promote culture of appreciation and growth, both individually and collectively.

I fully believe the words we use (mindset) shape our reality. Choosing to see life through the lens of “getting to” rather than “getting through” can significantly enhance our well-being and satisfaction. By staying present in our experiences and simultaneously planning for the future, we strike the balance that allows us to live purposefully and joyfully. So, let’s embrace the opportunity in every task and endeavor—we “get to” shape our lives, one mindful moment at a time.

Spending Time vs. Investing Time: Maximizing Our Productivity and Well-being

By Motivation No Comments

Spending Time vs. Investing Time: Maximizing Our Productivity and Well-being

I have been talking to my clients lately a lot about time management and one asked if I could write an article explaining the difference between spending time vs investing time. Time is the finite resource that we all possess equally, yet how we use it can drastically impact our lives. The choice between spending time and investing time can determine our productivity, personal growth, and overall satisfaction. In this article, I share and will explore the differences, pros, and cons of each approach, and provide practical strategies to enhance our time management skills.

Spending Time: Immediate Gratification or Waste?

Definition and Characteristics: Spending time refers to using time in activities that provide immediate gratification or fulfillment of basic needs without considering long-term benefits. This can include leisure activities, entertainment, and mundane tasks.


  • Relaxation and enjoyment: Spending time on leisure activities can reduce stress and improve mental well-being.
  • Instant gratification: Immediate rewards can boost mood and motivation in the short term.


  • Lack of long-term benefits: Activities may not contribute to personal or professional growth.
  • Potential for procrastination: Overindulgence in leisure activities can lead to neglect of important tasks and we can also spend too much time doing something. Remember things in moderation are okay, however are we being excessive with how we spend our time? For example, watching a Netflix series is great, are we watching an episode a night or are we binge watching the entire series before we go to bed?

Strategies for Effective Time Spending:

  1. Set boundaries: Allocate specific times for leisure and stick to them to prevent overindulgence.
  2. Prioritize tasks: Complete necessary tasks before engaging in leisure activities to reduce guilt and improve focus.
  3. Mindfulness: Practice being fully present during leisure time to enhance enjoyment and relaxation. Brené Brown does a great job talking about numbing vs nourishing in her book Daring Greatly.

Investing Time: Building Future Success and Growth

Definition and Characteristics: Investing time involves allocating time towards activities that contribute to long-term goals, personal development, and future success. This includes learning new skills, building relationships, and working towards career advancements.


  • Personal growth: Continuous learning and skill development enhance capabilities and confidence.
  • Career advancement: Strategic investment of time can lead to promotions, new opportunities, and higher earnings.
  • Long-term fulfillment: Achieving goals and milestones provides lasting satisfaction and purpose.


  • Initial effort and patience: Results from investing time may take longer to materialize compared to immediate gratification.
  • Balancing priorities: Focusing too much on long-term goals can neglect present needs and relationships if not managed effectively.

Strategies for Effective Time Investment:

  1. Set SMART goals (Doran, 1981): Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound goals provide clarity and motivation. I am a big fan of SMART goals.
  2. Create a schedule: Allocate dedicated time blocks for activities that contribute to long-term objectives. I schedule this time in my calendar so I can’t have a meeting and I prioritize investing time in my weekly schedule.
  3. Continuous learning: Regularly invest time in acquiring new knowledge and skills through courses, workshops, or reading. I provide some resources at the end of this article.

Finding Balance and Enhancing Time Management

Achieving the balance between spending and investing time is crucial for maximizing productivity and overall well-being. Here are additional strategies to help us manage our time effectively:

  • Prioritization: Use techniques like Eisenhower Matrix to distinguish urgent and important tasks.
  • Time blocking: Allocate specific time slots for different activities to maintain focus and productivity.
  • Technology tools: Utilize apps like Todoist, Trello, or Google Calendar to organize tasks and schedules effectively.
  • Delegate and outsource: Identify tasks that can be delegated or outsourced to free up time for high-priority activities.
  • Reflect and adjust: Regularly review our time management strategies and adjust them based on effectiveness and changing priorities.

Resources for Further Reading

For those looking to delve deeper into time management and productivity improvement, consider these recommended resources:

By consciously choosing how we spend and invest our time, we can enhance our productivity, achieve personal growth, and lead the fulfilling life we want. Remember, effective time management is not simply about doing more in less time it is about aligning our actions with our long-term aspirations and values while being ourselves, having fun and being THE!

Ryan Avery Keynoting at MDRT and sharing how not to take things personally

How to Not Take Things Personally

By Leadership, Motivation No Comments
Ryan Avery Keynoting at MDRT and sharing how not to take things personally

How to Not Take Things Personally

with Ryan Avery

This week I am in Vegas and have the opportunity to learn something I have been struggling with for a while, how not to take things personally! In our daily interactions, whether at work, with friends, or within our families, it’s common to encounter situations that can easily be taken personally. Someone’s offhand comment or a colleague’s critique might trigger feelings of defensiveness or hurt. Learning not to take things personally is not simply about building thicker skin; it’s one skill that can lead to better relationships and improved mental well-being. Here are some practical strategies to help us master this valuable art of not taking things personally…

1. Understand the Principle: We Are Not Responsible for Other People’s Actions or Reactions

One of the fundamental keys to not taking things personally is recognizing that each person is responsible for their own words, actions, and emotions. As all of us have autonomy over our thoughts and behaviors, others have the same autonomy. When someone reacts negatively or says something hurtful, it often reflects their own perspective, experiences, and state of mind at that moment. It’s not a reflection of our worth or value as a person.

2. Practice Empathy and Perspective-Taking

Empathy involves putting yourself in the other person’s shoes and understanding where they might be coming from. Consider factors such as their background, current stressors, or even their own insecurities that might be influencing their behavior. By adopting a broader perspective, we can often see that their actions or words are more about them than about us.

3. Separate Facts from Interpretations

When something happens that feels personal, take a step back and objectively analyze the situation. Identify the facts—what actually occurred—and distinguish them from our interpretations or assumptions about the other person’s intentions. Often, misunderstandings arise from jumping to conclusions or assuming the worst about someone’s motives.

4. Cultivate Self-Awareness and Self-Confidence

Build our own strong sense of self-awareness and self-confidence so that external criticisms or negative remarks don’t shake our core identity (this one is the hardest for me and has been something I have been working on for a while). Know our strengths, values, and limitations. When we are secure in who you are, we are less likely to feel threatened by others’ opinions or behaviors.

5. Practice Mindfulness and Emotional Regulation

Mindfulness techniques, such as deep breathing or meditation, can help us stay present and calm in the face of challenging situations. By practicing emotional regulation, we can respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively when confronted with something that feels personal.

6. Communicate Effectively

Open and honest communication is essential for avoiding misunderstandings and resolving conflicts. If something bothers us, let’s express our feelings calmly and assertively, focusing on the impact of the behavior rather than assuming someone has some bad intent.

Mastering the art of not taking things personally requires patience, self-awareness, and a willingness to see situations from different perspectives. Remember, we are all navigating our own complex inner worlds, and much of what happens around us is not a direct reflection of who we are. By implementing these strategies, we can cultivate healthier relationships, reduce stress, and maintain our own stronger sense of self in various social and professional settings. Ultimately, it’s about empowering ourself to choose how we respond to the world around us, rather than letting external factors define your inner peace.

Ryan Avery and his Family

The Great Pause

By Family & Personal Life No Comments

What a year! People have many names for 2020. I have lost friends to COVID, it nearly took my business away from me and it has devastated millions of people.

It has also allowed me to spend quality time with my kids, grow my business in new ways, deepen my relationships with my wife, family and close friends.

“They” say that there is always good in bad and this week I want to reflect on all the good that happened this year. What good things happened to you in 2020? What things are you thankful for that would never have happened if we didn’t go through “The Great Pause” of 2020?

For those who celebrate Christmas, I hope you have the best time with your families this week and for all, I hope we are getting ready for the new year and starting it by being thankful for what we have received, not what we have lost!

As always… be THE

Reach with Ryan Avery

What is Your Word of The… QUARTER?

By Communication, Family & Personal Life, Motivation No Comments

For the past 5+ years, I have chosen a word for the year that helps guide my decisions and keeps me on track for my goals.

This year was the first year in which I felt like I wanted more than one word as 2020 has been… well a year!

So with that, I am challenging myself (and us) to look at the word for the next QUARTER instead of the entire year. What word do you want to focus on for Q1 of 2021 that will keep you motived, get you going and help you reach your goals?

My word for Q1 2021 will be:  REACH!

To me, this word means many things:
I want to reach new heights.
I want to reach out.
I want to reach for things I usually wouldn’t try.
I want to reach new levels of speaking.

My word is going to be REACH. What is your word going to be?

Ryan Avery 2020 Photo Challenge

The 2020 Photo Challenge

By Communication, Family & Personal Life, Motivation No Comments

Every year my family and I select the number of photos that correlate with the last two numbers of the year. This year we will select 20 (for 2020). Last year we selected 19 (for 2019) and so on.

We select the photos from our cameras that best represent the year for us and we share them with each other. This is a very fun and eye-opening experience to see what your year was all about and hear from your family about how they saw the same year.

My challenge to you starting this week is to select the 20 photos that best represent your 2020 and share them with your family and friends.

Ready… set… go!

Go From Could To Can With Ryan Avery

Go From Could to Can

By Communication, Leadership, Motivation No Comments

Many of us are starting to look at setting our goals for 2021.

When doing so, here is one small difference I found that makes all the difference in motivating me to want to follow up and follow through with goals I have been contemplating.

Try it out this week with any decision you have and see how it changes our ability to act on our ideas. Here is the video…

What Are You Not Thankful For Ryan Avery

What Are You NOT Thankful For?

By Communication, Family & Personal Life, Leadership, Motivation No Comments

Every year in America, millions of families sit down together to talk about and share what they are thankful for. However, one thing we don’t talk about is… what are we NOT thankful for?

In this week’s notes I challenge us to think about what we are NOT thankful for and why. Here is the video:

What are you not thankful for and what can you do about it or how can you change your perspective around the thing you are not thankful for?

Entertain vs Exercise with Ryan-Avery

The “IDEA” of Entertain vs Exercise

By Family & Personal Life, Leadership, Motivation No Comments

In this week’s video, I share with you the difference between the definition of entertain vs exercise when it comes to our ideas and why it matters to us as being THE leader! Here is the video:

What can we do this week to exercise on one of our ideas that we have been entertaining for too long?

Keep being THE!

Ryan Avery on Leadership

The AAA of Leadership: Attention. Attitude. Approach.

By Communication, Leadership, Motivation No Comments

Taking a look at all that is going on right now, there are three “A” words that come to mind for how we can get better results and be THE leader. Check out the 4-minute video this week (with a cameo from my son)!

What can we all do this week to pay attention to something outside of what we usually do, change our attitude to improve our character and look at our approach to better our results?




Ryan Avery - Transform weakness into strength

Are you a Bad Company, Good Company or Great Company?

By Communication, Leadership, Motivation No Comments

I am reading Ryan Holiday’s The Obstacle is The Way (highly recommend) this week and one thing that stood out to me is this excerpt from Andy Grove:

“Andy Grove, a former CEO of Intel, outlined when he described what happens to businesses in tumultuous times: “Bad companies are destroyed by crisis. Good companies survive them. Great companies are improved by them.” Great individuals, like great companies, find a way to transform weakness into strength.”

What is ONE way we can transform ONE of our weaknesses this week into strength?

Ready… set… be THE!