Alone vs Lonely? Understanding the Difference Between Being Alone and Feeling Lonely as a Leader

In the world of leadership, many of us experience moments where we feel isolated, even when surrounded by others. After spending more than 70 hours traveling this past week on planes, I have found that there’s this profound difference between being alone and feeling lonely, and understanding this distinction has been crucial for me in becoming more grounded and effective in various areas, especially my leadership. So, I thought I would share some insights from all this alone time :) 

The Difference Between Being Alone and Feeling Lonely

After doing some research and thinking more about it, for me being alone is a physical state. It’s the intentional act of choosing solitude to reflect, recharge, or gain clarity. Feeling lonely, on the other hand, is more of an emotional experience — this sense of disconnection or lack of belonging that can occur even in a crowded room. Been there? 

For me, this distinction has been essential. I’ve learned that being alone can be empowering when approached with intention, while feelings of loneliness often stem from this deeper need for connection and support.

Why This Matters for Us as Leaders

Leadership often comes with unique pressures and responsibilities that few understand. There are times when decisions must be made without validation, and moments when the weight of responsibility feels heavy. If I’m not careful, this can lead to feelings of loneliness that drain energy and creativity.

However, when I intentionally create space to be alone, I find clarity, creativity, and emotional strength. (I recently made space in my office for alone time and I love it). Solitude allows me to reconnect with my vision, assess challenges with my clear mind, and lead with greater confidence.

What We Can Do About It

1. Embrace Solitude as One Tool for Growth
   I’ve found that scheduling time for reflection, journaling, or meditation helps me disconnect from external noise and reconnect with my purpose, lately this is how I have been starting my mornings. Even something as simple as walking without distractions or engaging in some of my creative hobbies allows my mind to wander and generate new ideas (hence this article). 

2. Build Genuine Connections
   Leadership doesn’t have to be lonely. By investing in meaningful relationships with mentors, peers, and my team, I’ve created this support system that allows me to share experiences and challenges openly. When I foster spaces for honest dialogue within my crew, I not only support them, I also feel more connected and understood by them and I hope they do too. 

3. Develop Emotional Awareness
   When feelings of loneliness arise, I’ve learned to pause and reflect on the root cause. Is it a lack of support? Self-doubt? Or the need for deeper connection outside of work? Seeking support from trusted advisors or joining leadership communities has helped me navigate these moments with greater clarity and resilience.

The Shift from Loneliness to Leadership

I have said in my keynotes many times that true leadership isn’t about having all the answers or always being surrounded by people. It’s about leading from the place of authenticity and self-awareness. By learning to embrace solitude and recognize when feelings of loneliness surface, I’ve been able to strengthen my emotional resilience and this is still very much work in progress. 

The more I lean into this practice, the more I realize that the ability to stand alone is what allows me to create deeper connections with others. And that, to me, is the heart of true leadership.