Stop Labeling Emotions as Good or Bad: The Better Way to Lead Through Feeling

As leaders, we’re taught to stay calm under pressure, to remain positive in tough situations, and to keep our emotions in check. Somewhere along the way, that guidance turned into an unspoken rule: some emotions are “good,” and some are “bad.” Joy, gratitude, excitement? Great. Anger, sadness, fear? Not so much.

But what if this mindset is holding us - and our teams - back?

The truth for me is, every emotion we experience is information. It’s the message. It’s energy asking to be acknowledged, not judged. Labeling certain emotions as bad teaches us to suppress, ignore, or avoid them. And that, ironically, makes us less effective, less connected, and ultimately less human in our leadership.

The Problem with “Good” vs. “Bad” Emotions

When we label emotions as “good,” we tend to cling to them. When we label others as “bad,” we avoid or suppress them. This isn’t simply exhausting - it’s limiting. Anger, for example, might point us toward injustice that needs addressing. Sadness might remind us of what matters most. Fear might be asking us to pay closer attention or step into something new.

I have been going through a lot of emotions lately and so I am paying attention to them and what they are telling me. Emotions aren’t problems to solve. They’re teachers. And every leader needs a good teacher. 

The Better Question: “What is Here for Me?”

When I’m caught in an emotion - especially one I’ve historically labeled as “bad” - my wife gives me some of the best advice I’ve ever heard. She simply asks:

“What is here for you?”

It shifts everything.

Not “Why am I feeling this?”
Not “How do I fix it?”
But, “What is here for me?”

What can I learn from this emotion? What is it showing me about myself, this situation, or the people I lead? What gift or growth is hidden underneath this discomfort?

This question invites curiosity instead of judgment. And curiosity leads to clarity, connection, and compassion - the very things leadership demands.

Why It Matters for Leadership

When we stop labeling emotions and start listening to them, three powerful things happen:

1. We lead more authentically.
   People don’t want perfect leaders. We want real ones. When we allow space for the full spectrum of emotions, we show others it’s okay to do the same. That builds trust.

2. We make better decisions.
   Ignored emotions often drive unconscious behavior. But emotions that are understood and integrated lead to wiser, more grounded choices.

3. We create stronger cultures.
   The workplace where solely “good vibes” are allowed is not a healthy workplace. It’s a silencing one. When we allow all emotions to be welcome, we foster belonging, resilience, and psychological safety. What we do want to talk about and I will in another article is the behavior that accompanies the feeling! That is something we do want to pay attention to as well! 

The Invitation

So here’s the invitation: let’s stop trying to control, fix, or avoid our emotions - and the emotions of those we lead. Let’s stop dividing them into categories of “good” and “bad.” Instead, let’s get curious. Let’s ask:

What is here for me?

That question can transform how we experience emotions - and how we lead through them.

Because the truth is, all emotions are valuable. All emotions have something to teach us. And when we listen closely, they don’t simply make us better humans. They make us the leaders others need.

Would love to hear your thoughts! ryan@ryanavery.com